First off thanks to everybody and their condolences.
Over the past week we have gotten some things straightened out. My sister heard from my father's lawyer and it turns out he did have an advanced directive (2003) listing my sister so all that we went through with the ex was not needed. Yet no one knew at the time. Being the youngest she is also the executor. So on Friday I needed to go to the funeral home to sign the cremation consent after they were told the ex wasn't legal. While there I noticed that the ex signed that page with my father's last name which ticked me off. On the next page she used her true last name. The aide saw what I said and then went back to redo every single page for me to sign thereby eliminating her from the papers.
Then, because I woke up in the middle of the night before as I was having a dream about my father, I needed to confirm burial in the ground. He will be going to the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery in Dixon where there is ground and wall burial. He did specify ground. Then checked to make sure his rank was correct. Last, to make sure they were made aware that the Flag presentation is to me and not the ex. Time to end the charade.
Of course, I woke up at 5am this morning having another dream. This was a two part dream dealing with burial certificates and end of life. I called the funeral home to make sure all certificates are to be delivered to me when they call me to pick them up. The second part, which forced me out of bed because sleeping was pointless dealt with end of life. My end of life. My father may have almost made 93 but my mother has dementia and healthy. Which way will I go and do I take things into my own hands if things go the wrong way. A person really has absolute control over one thing and that is whether they live or die. I have no desire to wander a house endlessly not remembering a single thing from one minute to the next. I have seen countless nursing home patients, who could live 10 years in a home, even though their memory is totally gone. Not for me.
On Wednesday I drove my father's car to pick my son up at school. My father only had two new cars in his life since his working life was filled with numerous company cars some nice and exotic. Only my mother got a new car. So he treated himself to a 2004 Buick Le Sabre in dark metallic red and chrome wheels. Stunning car. It is now mine to go along with his other new car which was my first car when I was 16, the 68 Mercury Cougar. In the car my 10 year old, who likes the car, sat in the front and was going through everything and noticed a picture of Pop pop in the center console. I had just put that there permanently. He then asked if he could have the car when he turns 16 since I have so many cars already. I paused for a moment to gather myself and told him no as the car stays with me as long as I can drive so we will do something else.
Come Thursday I didn't feel like working so I left my office at 11am and went down to the Hornet where I could spend time doing what I like to do in quiet privacy up on the O9 Level chipping paint. I chipped paint, check drains, and swept all the Island decks till 7:30 that night and was the last person to exit the ship by a few hours. That felt good as it had been two weeks and I get antsy when I can't get down there to spend time working.
Hopefully I can get a full nights rest tonight without anything waking me up. Being tired enough should work.